Emotionally Connect with Your Partner
Are You and Your partner emotionally connected?
We Need It Like Food, Air, and Water…
In many instances, couples come into therapy because they have become emotionally disconnected, which may, or may not, lead to increased arguing. Hence why they are sitting in my office. Who wants to argue all the time? For other couples, however, there is no fighting, they just do not feel “in love”. The theme here is, we love one another however, we do not feel “in love”.
This week, during an intake session, a couple shared that they do not argue, and in fact, they rarely even bicker. In their situation, they feel that they are living parallel lives. My explanation to them is that disconnection in couples typically does not happen overnight. It can be a gradual process that can lead to toxic interactional patterns, presenting as criticizing and attacking one another. Or the couple who becomes complacent can present as withdrawing or distancing from one another. Both situations serve as coping mechanisms when we know no other way.
Whether you are arguing more or experiencing an unexplainable distance, this can be scary. Couples do not necessarily know how to reconnect or why they have arrived in this space. I try and ease the confusion, anxiety, and fear by explaining that without therapy, how would you know?
After all, no one hands us a manual to teach us the principles of understanding and repairing relational issues. We typically repeat what we saw modeled to us in our younger years. I do not want to generalize. This is not always the case, but it definitely happens more times than not.
Reconnect With Your Partner
If your relationship is distressed and you are feeling disconnected from your partner, I encourage you to lean in, get curious, and seek connection. You deserve it! And… as humans, we require love in our lives. We need it as much as we need food, air, and water. There are many studies that show that when babies are born, a lack of connection and love, they will die. Ask yourself this- as adults why would those needs be different? These are necessities from cradle to grave.
Relational disconnection is not like a cold that will pass if you wait long enough. In fact, untended distress and emotional disconnection typically get worse. When we, as humans become infected with the virus of protecting ourselves from the pain of the disconnection, we start to survive rather than thrive. When this happens, we rely on those toxic interactional patterns previously discussed: criticize/attack or distance/withdraw. However, there is hope!
Seek the help of an experienced couple’s therapist or at the very least, start with a good book.
There are scientifically proven ways to help couples reconnect and restructure their bonds. This is accomplished by utilizing a modality called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) that was developed by relationship expert, Dr. Sue Johnson. She teaches- the first step out is to recognize the toxic pattern and begin to get curious about that. Don’t spend your time on the issues that trigger the pattern, learn and understand your pattern.
I am a certified Emotional Focused Therapist and can assist you in understanding your interactional patterns resulting in improving and restructuring your bonding connection. Don’t let the cold turn into an infection! If you need help reconnecting, schedule your consultation today.
Created for Connection
“A Hold Me Tight”® Christian Couples’ Workshop
“Created for Connection” couples’ workshops are “Hold Me Tight” workshops for Christian couples based on EFT, Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy, and the book she authored with Kenny Sanderfer entitled “Created for Connection”.
These experiential learning workshops are presented in a Friday afternoon - Saturday format. The workshops provide a context for couples to work together on designed structured exercises.
This program will help you ignite your romantic fire by experiencing new ways of connecting by applying the research-proven concepts of EFT - Emotionally Focused Therapy.
"Created for Connection" is based on EFT, the most successful couple therapy model developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. Numerous solid research studies substantiate EFT's effectiveness. These studies find that “70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements.” (EFT info)