Couples Therapy…. EFT Style

What is EFT- Emotional Focus Therapy?

Emotional Focus therapy is a well-known humanistic and experiential approach created by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. EFT is considered to be a cutting-edge intervention/model that has been both tested and proven when working with couples, individuals, and most recently families. This model is considered to be the “Gold Standard” intervention when working with couples to repair and restore relationships.

[caption id="attachment_652" align="alignright" width="266"]Written by Giselle Armantrout[/caption]

Finding the Right EFT Therapist

Couples therapy is an investment of your time, money, and emotional energy. Giselle Armantrout Counseling wants to make sure you get the best results! Couples come to us when they are yearning for more peaceful communication, and deeper and meaningful connections, or perhaps they are longing for an increase in intimacy and closeness.

Whatever your goals are that bring you into therapy, EFT provides a road map that will help you and your partner feel better in your relationship. As you know, relationships are hard and they require work-we are here for you as you begin the process of healing.

EFT Therapists will:

• Listen with compassion

• Collaborate

• Stay away from judgment

• Certified, trained, and teach EFT

What Couples Can Expect in Emotional Focus Therapy

Couples ask us all the time, what can I expect? How long will I have to come, how much will it cost, do you take insurance? These are all very good questions when interviewing a potential new therapist. Some clients want to schedule maybe only monthly hoping to save money or time. While these are all understandable questions, they may actually make your therapy less effective, and may ultimately take longer.

People come to therapy, to learn something new: new ways to communicate, new ways of experiencing emotions, and new ways to connect and deepen their relationships. Since EFT couples therapy is about learning something new, like anything else it requires repetition and practice, our brain needs this experience to assist in solidifying the new information.

Part of why researchers believe EFT is so effective is that it helps us to re-wire the parts of our brain that have been creating barriers to connecting with our partners. We do this unintentionally and most of the time out of the protection of self. Like anything else results-driven, this process needs regular/frequent care in order to experience the best results and new corrective emotional experiences for both partners.

Since our goal is to make sure your experience is as positive as possible, please feel free to ask questions, and share any concerns, we all welcome feedback. We are here to collaborate with you.

The Emotional Focus Therapy Process

EFT can be triggering; it can bring up some unexpected emotions that you had tucked tightly away. Talking with your partner about your inner world can feel risky. As an EFT therapist, I never ask clients to risk more than feels safe, but I will encourage you to risk when safety is created. We grow and connect to one another when we do hard things!

I may ask you to try things that could lead you to feel different and vulnerable. One of the interventions used that sets EFT apart from other modalities is that we sometimes ask you to turn to your partner and express things in a new way, or even share something you may never have shared with anyone before. Of course, this can feel scary and intimidating, but I encourage you to trust the process. And to remember we are in it with you guiding each step. There is a reason we ask this of you…. research shows that couples deepen their relationships more when they find each other’s eyes and talk directly to one another, with the guidance of the therapist. This is a very powerful tool that helps couples get unstuck from their negative interactive patterns.

Good couples therapy takes time. The EFT research studies find it to be effective in 8-20 sessions. I would say this really is the case for plenty of couples but for the couple who has been through a series of life stressors, it can take longer to fully reach your goal.

EFT Resources

There are some great resources you can utilize to enhance and deepen your EFT progress. I share with my couples that when they utilize these tools they reach their goals faster and with more permanence.

• Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson.

  • This is a great book and tool for couples who get along fairly well and wish to deepen their connection and progress in therapy more quickly.

• Created for Connection Workshop

  • Another very effective way to boost your connections is to attend a Hold Me Tight/Created for Connection workshop. Both of these are intensive workshops, usually held over 2 days. The Created for Connection version implements material with Christian spirituality.

Be Proud of You and Your Partner

Yes that’s right, BE PROUD! You are doing something really important, the decision to come to couples therapy is not easy.  You are deciding to come because you matter to each other and you both long for a deeper connection. In the meantime, try and remember the things about your partner that attracted you to them when you first met. You are about to embark on a journey that will deepen your connection. I can’t wait to see where it goes!